Creating our own demons
by Andara.Somnia
Summary: Tony Stark has had his hand in creating many demons in his past, but once Pepper leaves he creates his very own...himself. As Tony's life begins to spiral out of control Captain America is sent in to handle the situation. However, when Steve arrives he soon learns it will take more than a leader to save Tony - maybe even more than a friend. Stony. AU for Marvel timeline change, etc
1. Chapter 1

I love Tony and Steve together and was really disappointed with the lack of stories about them on here. This pushed me to want to write my own story as I could just not get this couple out of my head.

This story will be AU as I'm messing with the Marvel movie timeline a bit and will add some small tidbits from the comic world mixed into the story, nothing major just small details.

I hope you enjoy the story and will be inspired to write your own Stoney story for me to read!

 **Prologue**

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 _He wanted to scream. He wanted to break things. He wanted to cry. He wanted to beg._

 _But he didn't do any of those things. He didn't utter a word as Pepper packed her things. As she neatly folded all her clothes into her many suitcases he only listened to her story._

 _She told him how she couldn't do this anymore – this being him, his lifestyle and his choices._

 _She told him how she couldn't handle the stress. How she couldn't take watching him at the sidelines as he purposefully put himself in danger._

 _She couldn't watch as he almost killed himself trying to save the world._

 _He should have noticed the changes sooner. Really it was miracle she had stayed this long all things considered._

 _Nothing had been the same since New York._

 _He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, and he barely came out of the lab anymore._

 _He knew he had pushed her away. The more she asked him what was wrong the more he'd try to deny there was anything._

 _She had woken to his screaming, on nights that he'd actually tried to go to bed with her. He'd begun to sneak out of bed, down to his lab, after she'd fallen asleep. He'd told JARVIS to warn him an hour before she set her alarm for work so he could sneak back into the bed before she woke. He thought he'd put on a pretty good show, however, she could see how the circles under his eye became larger, deeper, until they were almost a permanent feature on his face._

 _After a while she stopped asking if he was ok. She started staying at the office later and later. He left his lab less and less._

 _There were no more dinners together and no more date nights. She would brave his lab only when she had paper work he needed to sign for the company, most of the time he wouldn't even look at her as he signed them._

 _They had grown so far apart in such a short amount of time, he'd wondered if they even know each other anymore?_

 _He'd bit his tongue when she asked him for an explanation for his behavior. Even as she started to scream, asking him if he even cared or loved her, and even when she cried he'd stayed silent._

 _He'd watched from the balcony of the stairs as she rolled her luggage outside, Happy helped her load it into the trunk of the car._

 _He'd made his way down to the living room as they drove away._

 _He'd felt the pain start in the middle of his chest, where his already wounded heart was held together with machinery, and felt it slowly start to crawl into his throat until he hadn't been able to hold it in anymore._

 _He'd finally begun to scream._

 _If hadn't felt the pain radiating from his throat he wouldn't have recognized his voice as his own. This was no human sound coming from his mouth. It was so raw, so broken, that he'd thought he'd never be able to speak human words again._

 _He'd finally begun to break things._

 _He'd thrown whatever he could get his hands on. At first, it was unlucky objects sitting on the entrance table, a vase, the key bowl, and then it was the whole table. He'd moved through the house like a hurricane, picking up anything within his reach and hurling it as far as it would go. He hadn't tried to avoid anything, if paper weights went through windows that was fine. If the chairs broke the glass walls it didn't matter. The louder the crash the better to his ears, it blocked out the sound of himself shattering._

 _He'd finally begun to cry._

 _As he'd lain in the middle of the floor amongst the piles of broken fragments that had once been his living room he'd felt his body convulse and the tears began to flow. He hadn't even tried to brush them away with his bloodied hands. Jarvis tried to convince him to go to the lab so his bots could fix his injuries but he'd ignored him until the AI eventually stopped talking._

 _Finally, when exhaustion set in and he could feel the creeping darkness of his nightmare begin to pull him in as is body shut down, he began to beg._

It hadn't started off so bad.

He'd always had a drink or two throughout the day. But soon one or two became five or six and five or six became bottles. After a few weeks it was too hard to even keep count anymore.

He fell back into old habits quickly, his old routine so worn and comfortable. He stayed in his lab all day and only came out to stay out all night. He found whatever party was being thrown in the city, any club that hadn't already banned him, and he threw his own parties if it came down to it.

He couldn't say he enjoyed this kind of life, one filled with parties and a new woman every night, but it was such a good distraction that he couldn't make himself stop.

He couldn't force himself to sleep so he drank until he body simply blacked out. Sometimes he made it home, sometimes he didn't.

Alone in his home, locked away for hours, his nightmares grew more frequent and more intense. He began to fear falling asleep so much that he had Jarvis set an alarm every hour to wake him in case he drifted off. That was when the panic attacks started.

When he could feel his body growing weak from exhaustion he would begin to panic, envisioning nightmarish images of aliens bursting from the sky. Sometimes he would see his teammates fall to the enemy and himself paralyzed and unable to help. Soon he began to hear their voices blaming him for their deaths. He watched the city crumble every night with no way to save it.

Soon his attacks became more frequent. Any time the New York incident was mentioned, by people trying to get an interview or being recapped on the news, he would feel his chest start to tighten, his lungs burning from lacking air as he tried to breathe. His mind would race with possibilities and horrible outcomes.

He built dozens of Iron man suits in preparation for every even he imagined.

JARVIS began to censor what could be seen on his TV.

As weeks turned to months, he began to feel as if his life was so out of control that even he couldn't stop it.

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Most of the angst will be in the beginning of the story but I would plan for t to be sprinkled throughout the story.

More chapters to come, so far I have mapped out up to Chapter 6 and the ending, just got to fill in the middle.

Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

I got a lot of inspiration while writing this chapter so I am pretty stoked about writing the next ones.

 **Chapter 2**

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It began when Tony started refusing Bruce's calls.

Through mutual interest in science and invention, Bruce and Tony had formed a friendship during the attack of New York. They kept in contact every couple of weeks to update each other on new things they were working on or gadgets they believed would help the team in case the Avengers were ever called upon again.

Bruce never thought to ask Tony about his personal life, himself being an extremely private man.

It started off with Tony missing their scheduled calls and having to call Bruce back later. Then Tony began to just not call Bruce back. Finally JARVIS informed Bruce that Tony was no longer taking calls from anyone.

That was when Bruce began to worry. He struggled with the idea of asking others for help, fearful of invading Tony's privacy. However, once he began to look into Tony's recent activities he knew he had no other choice but to call in back up.

It didn't take Bruce long to find articles outlining Tony's breakup with Ms. Pepper Potts. Bruce knew Pepper was the first woman Tony had formed a serious relationship with. The group had met her a few times at parties S.H.I.E.L.D had hosted and events Tony had invited them to when promoting his inventions furthering the clean power movement. Bruce flinched thinking how the last time him and Tony spoke they had joked about the couple getting married.

Later articles seemed to only depict Tony in a negative light. The magazines were covered in pictures of Tony at varies parties in compromising positions. Writers questioned if Pepper Potts was Tony's downfall but as Bruce looked at photos depicting a drunken Tony being escorted out of clubs he wondered if another demon controlled Tony's behavior.

S.H.I E.L.D. was the first to try and contact Tony. When that didn't work they tried to summon him for meetings concerning the recent misuse of the Iron Man suit, namely Tony using it as a party trick or flying illegally close to civilians with no sound reason behind it. Yet their requests were all ignored.

Fury himself personally tried getting in contact with Tony and was disregarded. When JARVIS answered and informed him Tony had initiated a lock down and no calls, emails or mail was being allowed on the premises Fury left a string of colorful words the AI would rather not repeat and a few different death threats for the computer program to patch through to Tony. Even this message was ignored.

It had been almost half a year since the events of New York had taken place when Captain America was dispatched to find Tony Stark.

Tony Stark had been pinpointed at his home of residence in Malibu, California.

Thinking of the last time he had a confrontation with Tony Stark, Captain America had suited up in full gear expecting a fight to occur.

What he hadn't expected was to drive up to Tony's mansion and right into a chaotic party that seemed to be way past the limit of controlled.

There was so many people packed into the household that half of them spilled out onto the gigantic drive way. Steve could see people on every surface of the property including the outside balconies and roof. Lights were streaming from somewhere within the house making Steve wonder if Tony had added a laser show to his home at some point. There was music playing so loud that the ground itself was shaking, which was concerning considering the mansion was built over a cliff. If the music wasn't loud enough the party goers were screaming incoherently with the rhythm of the music.

Steve was frozen in place at the sheer shock of seeing such unrestrained chaos contained to one area. He'd seen more order in the middle of the battlefield during WWII.

Steve shook his head to bring himself back to the present and surged forward to break through the crowd to get inside.

This turned out not to be as easy as expected. Steve was use to people standing aside for him when he was in full costume but this crowd was beyond recognition of the super hero. Steve tried to politely excuse himself around people but was completely ignored. Steve looked ahead trying to find a break in the crowd noticed a floating above the crowd. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness and the random burst of lights before he recognized the floating figure as Tony although he was not actually floating but standing on top of a bar.

Tony held a bottle of liquor in one hand and a baseball bat in the other. He danced across the bar taking a gulp of his booze and waved the bat in the air. As Steve watched a random object was thrown in the air. At first it seemed as though Tony was ignoring it but as it made to shoulder level he suddenly swung the bat and the object shattered in midair. The crowd went wild as Tony cheered holding the above his head.

Steve yelled to try and get Tony's attention but his voice was drowned out as the crowed screamed for more. Steve was about to break out his shield to get some attention when an arm reached out and grabbed his shoulder. He turned around to come face to face with Colonel James Rhodes.

"Thank god back up has arrived!" Rhodes yelled over the noise of the crowd.

"Colonel what's going on?" Tony yelled.

"Captain, Tony's out of control! I need to – "Rhodes was cut off as a young inebriated woman suddenly threw herself into his chest. She flung her arms around his neck and tried to convince Rhodes to dance with her. Almost knocked over as the girl tried to swing back and forth as if she was slow dancing, Rhodes face hardened and he non-to-gentle shoved the girl away causing her to fall onto more people.

The crowd screamed louder and Steve looked back in time to see Tony throw his now empty bottle of booze in the air and swing the bat at it.

A hand intercepted his line of vision and Steve remembered he was supposed to be concentrating on Rhodes right now not Tony.

"CAPTAIN GET TONY! I'M GOING FOR A SUIT!" Rhodes yelled and shot away heading towards a staircase leading down stairs.

Steve wasn't sure how the man was able to disappear into the crowd so easily but at this point the captain was done being polite. He turned around and locked his eyes on Tony. Pulling out his shield he braced it in front of him and slowly began to push through the crowd. People yelped in surprise and others cursed at him but Steve ignored them and moved forward.

As he reached the bar another object went sailing into the air. Before Tony had a chance to take a swing at it, Steve threw his shield. The object, something glass, was cut in half and shattered as it hit the floor. Steve's shield embedded itself in the wall behind him above Tony's head.

The crowd cheered but Tony froze. Slowly, he brought his hand to his face and pulled his sunglasses down just enough to peek over them. When he saw Captain America in all his glory making his way toward him a sloppy grin broke out across his face.

"Oh Captain my captain! What a pleasant surprise!" Tony laughed loudly as he threw the bat behind him and tried to step forward. Unfortunately his foot didn't land on solid ground – or was it a table – and he pitched forward almost toppling off the bar. Solid hands braced his shoulder and pulled him off the bar, right in front of the Captain himself.

"Tony what is going on!?" Steve screamed over the crowd.

Tony looked around as if he couldn't figure out how he'd ended up there for a moment before turning his head to look at Steve again. When his eyes landed on Steve's face he seemed surprised and smiled again.

"Hi Cap! What are you doing here?" Tony slurred.

Tony began to sink in his hold so Steve pulled him closer to sling the other man's arm over his shoulder.

"I'M HERE FOR YOU!" Steve tried to yelled as the music grew louder.

"Why so serious Captain," Tony slurred and stared at Steve in what he thought was a serious face. Then he laughed and spun out of the captain reach.

"Oh Cap! We're playing a game! Come play the game!" Tony continued laughing as he began to try and climb back on the bar.

"No Tony! TONY!" Steve tried to grab hold of Tony to yank the man back down when a loud CRASH rang out behind him.

Steve whipped around to see Rhodes fly out of the basement in one of the Iron Man suits. Rhodes flew to the middle of the room and sent a blast of charged particles at the DJ stand effectively silencing the music. The crowd grew deafly quiet as they stared at the suit flying over them.

"Alright people we've done this once before. GET OUT or I will BLAST YOU OUT!" Rhodes made his point by blasting a beam through the open door leading to the drive way.

It only took the crowd a moment before they were tripping over themselves out the door after the beam. In no time the mansion was empty, however, the peace did not last for long.

"DAMMIT RHODEY," Tony rushed past Steve waving his hands at his best friend. "You have no right to be in that suit or end my event before I'm ready and YOU!" Tony turned toward Steve pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Why are YOU here?" Tony tapped Steve on the chest with his finger.

Steve tried to grab a hold of Tony's arm but the smaller man slapped his hands away from him.

"Fury sent me to check –"

"How did he know where I was?" Tony yelled cutting the captain off as he stepped forward.

Steve could smell the spirits on Tony's breathe now that he was so close to his face and it was almost overwhelming. It took his mind back to a time period when he was much younger and another man had stood over him smelling of booze.

Steve shook his head trying to ground himself back into the present. Tony was still staring at him expecting an answer.

"He…tracked you here," Steve said hesitantly not sure what he should reveal.

"He WHAT!" Tony screamed and pushed away from Steve.

Tony was looking around wildly before he stopped and let out an animalistic growl.

Before Steve could stop him, Tony was running down the stairs.

"Oh no," Rhodes robotic voice said as he dropped from the air and shed the Iron Man suit. He quickly ran down the stairs after Tony.

Steve sighed realizing he'd probably reviled something he really shouldn't have. He soon followed suit and made his way down the stairs.

As Steve came to the last step he stopped and watched the scene in front of him. Tony was running around his lab wildly tearing down different Iron Man suits while Rhodes chased after him.

"I'LL FIND IT FURY! I'LL FIND YOUR DAMN SPY!" Tony screamed as he knocked over another Iron Man suit and began to tear it apart with a crow bar he'd grabbed in his mad dash around the lab.

Rhodes jumped on Tony and tried to wrestle the tool from his hands.

Steve had had enough at this point and strode quickly over to the fighting men. He grabbed both men by the collars of the shirt and hauled them up off the ground. Both men struggled to reach the ground unsuccessfully. The captain out matched their height by almost a foot.

"Stop. This. NOW!" Steve shook both men slightly to punctuate each word.

Tony's sunglasses had fallen off at some point during his rampage and Steve got the first look at the Tony's face that night.

Tony's eyes were red and bloodshot. The circles surrounding his eyes were so dark it looked as if someone had given him black eyes. There were small cuts littering his face, probably from shards of glass from the objects he'd hit with a bat earlier.

Steve was staring at Tony when his face started to turn a shade of green.

"Captain you better let us go now!" Rhodes warned Steve who quickly released both men.

Rhodes rolled and grabbed a trashcan and quickly shoved it under Tony's chin right as Tony stared to throw up violently. Tony sunk to the floor as he finished emptying the content of his stomach into the trashcan.

Steve knelt beside Tony as the man curled up in the floor. He took his glove off so that he could place his palm to Tony's forehead. His skin was sweaty but not feverish.

"He doesn't seem to have a fever, is he ok?" Steve looked up to Rhodes as the man sat the trashcan to the side and came to stand next to him.

Rhodes sighed but nodded his head.

"Yeah he's fine. Gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow though," Rhodes put his hand on Steve's shoulder as Steve looked back at Tony worriedly. "Look Captain, I know you're not use to seeing Iron Man like this but for _Tony_ this is quite normal. Everything will be all right. He just needs to sleep it off. Will you grab him?"

Rhodes turned and walked upstairs before Steve answered.

At this point Tony was snoring on the floor.

Steve stared at Tony taking in his haggard appearance a moment longer. He felt his gut sink and a feeling a dread washed over him. He had a feeling that nothing about this was all right.

Steve decided nothing could be done tonight took a deep a breath as he hefted Tony over his shoulder.

Steve and Rhodes were silent as they took Tony to bed.

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I hope the party was as fun to read as it was to imagine. I tried to use some of Tony's past party examples and just make it a bit wilder. So happy to finally have Steve in the story!


	3. Chapter 3

I had the hardest time writing this chapter. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen but couldn't get the words to form into good sentences. Hopefully it still turned out good.

 **Chapter 3**

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As his body tried to pull him from his slumber, the first thing Tony noticed was the throbbing pain already settling inside his head. He tried to recall his activities from the night before but could only see distorted and disorganized images that he couldn't determine if were real or hallucinations.

Tony groaned as he opened his eyes and only saw white before quickly shutting them again. Yupe, this was going to be a rough morning.

"I see you're finally awake."

Tony actually shot up so fast that his head spun and he had to lay right back down. Cracking one of his eyes open he saw non-other than Captain America standing over his head.

"For fucks sakes Cap you nearly gave me a heart attack! And now I feel like you hit my head with a sledge hammer," Tony groaned again and tried to turn over so he could bury his head under his pillow.

Unfortunately Steve's hand grabbed his shoulder and turned him back over.

"Colonel Rhodes told me I should give you water and aspirin when you woke up," Steve insisted as he picked up the water and aspirin on Tony's bed side table.

Tony tried to pull his pillow over his head in hopes that he could hide until Steve got bored and left but the super soldier yanked the pillow out of his hands and held out the stupid glass of water and medication. Tony glared but slowly sat up while he grumbled about how stubborn super soldiers should not be allowed in his room this early.

Steve watched until Tony had taken both pills and drained the entire glass of water before he stepped back to allow the man to get out of bed.

Tony slowly rose out of bed to make sure he did not get dizzy or feel the urge to puke his guts out. He gave the captain a calculating look before deciding he was going to need a shower if he was going to think clearly. He wasn't an idiot. Captain America doesn't just show up to your door uninvited, no, the man was too damn polite for that.

"Well Captain I'd love to catch up – I really would - but I need to start my day," he grinned as he pulled his shirt over his head causing Steve to immediately turn bright red and avert his eyes. Ah that old time modesty was such a cute habit the captain still carried with him from the past.

"You see I am quite a busy man. A very busy and in _high_ demand man in fact. So I wish I could chat but I can't. I will have Jarvis let you out," Tony snapped his fingers to indicate to JARVIS that he was finished.

"Right away sir," the AI's voice politely answered as always. "Captain if you will make you way out this door."

"Tony stop," Steve said as he walked up behind the shorter man.

Tony paused; surprised not to hear the commanding voice he referred to as "the Captain America voice" but rather the very quiet voice of Steve Rodgers. Tony rolled his eyes. His mornings should not go like this. All he wanted to do was crawl in the shower, maybe get a drink, order something greasy and clearly bad for his arteries and make his way down to his lab for some kind of experiment to blossom in front of him. Actually that gave him an idea to at least buy himself some time.

Tony smiled as his plan began to formulate. He turned on his heel and tried to plaster a friendly grin on his face. From the look Steve was giving him though it may have come out as more of a grimace then a smile. Hey sue him; he'd had a lot to drink last night.

"You know what Capsicle I'm starved! How 'bout we go grab a bite to eat? I know a place right down the road," and said Tony did not wait for an answer as he was off pulling one of his dark button ups and some shoes from the closet. He was out the door before Steve even had a chance to object.

Steve stared after Tony completely bewildered at how fast the man had not only changed topics but completely escaped him. Steve looked to the ceiling trying to send up prayer for strength just in case anyone up there was listening.

They drove/flew, Steve on his motorcycle and Tony in the Iron Man suit, to a small burger place a couple of miles down the road from Tony's home. It was a place Tony frequented when he needed a quick bite between experiments. It wasn't like the five star restaurants he normally ate at but damn did they make a good burger.

The restaurant staff were used to Tony stopping in but the other customers were not so there had been some excitement from the crowd as the two superheroes came in. Tony being use to his celebrity status smiled and waved at everyone as the pair was escorted to the table.

Steve grumbled about egotistical millionaires causing Tony to mumble back how that was billions not millions.

Tony felt the corners of his lips start to twitch as if he was going to smile before he could force it back down. A small part of him, a very small part mind you, enjoyed getting to go back and forth with the captain again. Like old times.

As they were served their food the crowd dispersed and a silence settled between them.

Tony was just fine with the silence as he tried to solely concentrate on getting his head to stop ringing while he ate his burger.

Steve was nervous as he went over a few scenarios on how to speak to Tony without causing a scene, however, each one ended in failure. He just couldn't see a way around it with the short tempered man. Although it wasn't like people weren't used to seeing a scene develop when Tony Stark was involved so he supposed it couldn't be so bad.

"Tony we need to talk about this," Steve cleared his throat trying to make the nervousness leave his voice. "S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers are worried about you."

Tony scoffed, keeping his eyes glued to his food. He should have known the peace wouldn't last for long.

"Well isn't that sweet Fury sent me my own personal nurse to check up on me," Tony spat. "Listen Spangles, I made it my whole life not needing a babysitter and I don't need the Avengers to start acting like it now."

Steve actually reeled back as if Tony had physically hit him. He hadn't heard the scientist speak like this since their big fight on the aircraft when they'd first met.

Steve let the silence fall back over the table as they continued to eat. Once again he felt the sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn't help but feel like something more was wrong here than the others were assuming.

Tony was going over the schematics of his newest suit when a large hand covered his, surprising him enough to look up.

"Tony I thought we were past this. We're friends now right?" Steve was staring at him with those big blue innocent eyes looking so sincere that it made Tony instantly regret being a jerk, which didn't happen often.

He looked down at their hands all smooshed together on the table and felt his face start to heat up. He forgot how touchy feely Steve was. We're all men from the forties like that or was Steve just a big softy about everything?

Tony pulled his hand back and rubbed his eyes in frustration. He knew what the captain said was true. Although the Avengers had not been called together for any big missions lately they had all made it a point to go out as a team ever so often. Before everything with Pepper happened Tony would even admit they had all become friends.

No. He could not think of Pepper right now. Not while he had to keep it together to get Steve off his back.

Tony sighed and finally met Steve's eyes.

"Dammit Spangle hit a guy where it hurts why don't ya?" Tony took a sip of his drink and looked out the window too embarrassed to look at Steve right now. "Look I'm not exactly the friendliest person when I have a hangover, you should know that."

Steve actually chuckled a little feeling more comfortable. Yes they'd all seen a grumpy Tony Stark after a few PR parties hosted by S.H.E.I.L.D.

"I'll try to remember that," Steve said. He caught Tony's eye after a minute and tried to press on.

"Look Tony, forget about S.H.E.I.L.D. Gosh forget about the other Avengers, I'm worried," Steve leaned in to get a closer look at Tony's eyes. "When's the last time you got a good nights sleep?"

"Einstein slept three hours a year. Look what he did." Tony said trying to be totally serious. Then he remembered Steve didn't exactly know who Einstein was so his point was mute.

"Tony I'm not concerned about this Einstein fella. I'm concerned about you." Steve said.

"You're really gonna come at me like that?" Tony said.

Steve was about to say something when thankfully, in Tony's opinion at least, two kids approached their table.

The girl came up to the table first holding out a piece of paper and smiling.

"Do you mind signing my drawing?" she said as she placed it on the table in front of Tony.

Tony's crowd pleasing smile was already in place as he thanked his good fortune for the distraction.

"If Steve doesn't mind, you ok with this Cap?" Tony gave him a quick glance and a smirk.

Steve had to bite tongue to keep from saying something rude. He shook his head no but kept his eyes on Tony.

Tony moved his plate out of the way and pulled the picture in front of him. It was a drawing of him as Iron Man carrying what he assumed was a missile on his back. He swallowed thickly and looked to the girl's brother standing beside him.

"I loved you in A Christmas story by the way," the boy probably didn't get it but Tony thought he was clever.

Tony picked up a crayon the girl had sat on the table and began to write. Steve took this as his chance to start talking again.

"Look Tony I know after everything that happened in New York – aliens – everyone's been riled up. But they haven't just stopped working." Steve tried to talk in a hushed tone hoping the kids wouldn't understand what he was saying.

As soon as Steve mentioned New York and aliens Tony felt his hand freeze up. The crayon he'd been using to write with snapped. He felt sweat start to form on his forehead. His heart began to beat rapidly. Images of himself entering a vortex while aliens exited it flashed before his eyes. The universe he entered looking beautiful but not like the one he called home.

Suddenly the room was too small, the crowd too loud. Tony knew he had to get out of here before he embarrassed himself. He stood up quickly, pushing his chair over in his rush. Steve jumped up yelling something at him but Tony was already headed out the door.

His breathing was labored. His chest was tightening. He needed to get in his suit now.

"TONY STOP!" Steve yelled as he tried to grab his forearm but Tony dodged it.

As he felt the suit engulf him he was already yelling for Jarvis to get him home. The AI didn't fight him and in seconds he was in the sky.

Steve watched the retreating form of Iron Man and swore under his breath. He didn't give himself time to think about Tony's strange behavior as he quickly turned around and ran towards his bike.

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I'm still not sure if I like this chapter or not so I may go back and change it later. It ended how I wanted but I'm not sure if I wrote it the way want yet.


	4. Chapter 4

If you had read the previous chapter before I updated it and moved the ending of the chapter to the beginning of this one. It just flowed better here. All three first chapters have been edited and had stuff added to them. Nothing major. I gotta start updating slower so I can write them best before publishing.

 **Chapter 4**

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It took Steve only 10 minutes to arrive at Tony's house but he still felt like that was too long. He only hoped Tony had returned home or he was never going to find him.

Steve left his bike in front of Tony's door and ran into the house.

"Tony! Tony!" Steve yelled as he searched around the living room.

"May I be of assistance Captain Rogers?" Jarvis' voice interrupted his search.

"Where's Tony?" Steve stopped and looked up to the ceiling like Tony sometimes did when talking to Jarvis.

"Sir, Mr. Stark is incapacitated at the moment. If you would come back later I will inform him of your visit."

Steve had a feeling Jarvis was lying for Tony which confirmed the genius was in the house somewhere.

"Jarvis I need to see Tony. I just want to check up on him," Steve prayed the AI's program would override anything Tony had demanded of it if it concerned Tony's health.

There was a pregnant pause as if the AI was thinking before it spoke.

"Mr. Stark is in his lab," Jarvis finally answered.

Steve didn't need more then that so he took off down the stairs. He wasn't going to give Tony time to escape again.

The door to Tony's lab was thankfully open. He must have forgotten to close it in his great escape.

Steve thought he would find Tony laughing about how he'd lost him or at least ready for a fight. What he didn't expect was to find Tony curled up on the floor next to his Iron Man suit as if he had fallen out of it and just hadn't moved. His hands were blocking his ears and he was shaking his head.

Steve crept closer trying not to startle the already distressed man. As he got closer he could hear Tony mumbling something over and over but couldn't make out what it was. Tony's eyes were unfocused and staring straight ahead.

Steve knelt to the ground and tentatively reached out to touch Tony.

"Captain I would refrain from doing that." Jarvis said making Steve pause his hand in midair.

"What's wrong with him Jarvis?" Steve whispered never taking his eyes off Tony.

"Mr. Stark is having a panic attack. It is a common occurrence. Mr. Stark will come out of it soon but then he will need rest."

Steve felt his head spin at Jarvis' words. He thought about Tony's absence, his drinking and the way he looked as if he hadn't slept in months.

Steve sat there for what felt like an eternity watching over Tony as the man's breathing started to slow and his eye lids began to droop. Steve waited until Tony's breathing began to even out to ensure the genius had really fallen asleep before gently picking him up. He noticed how light Tony was as he carried him to his room upstairs.

He didn't speak until he had tucked Tony into his bed and quietly shut the door behind him. He slid heavily to the floor and leaned against the bedroom door.

"Jarvis," Steve whispered still afraid to wake Tony.

"Yes Captain Rogers?"

"Would you mind contacting Fury for me? Tell him Mr. Stark and I will not be returning. And I will contact him when the situation changes. After that anything Tony told you to do about outsiders contacting him still stands," when the AI didn't answer right away Steve worried his request would be denied. Finally the AI answered.

"Of course Captain Rodgers," Jarvis said.

Steve's next call had been to Natasha Romanova. Steve and Natasha had been on a few private missions for S.H.I.E.L.D. and had formed a deep bond through combat. They often worked out together at the S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters and usually went to lunch after.

"Natasha I think this is more serious then we first thought. I- I don't think I know how to approach this," Steve hated to admit defeat but he felt at a loss on how to help Tony.

"Explain," Natasha simple said.

So Steve launched into the story of the events that had transpired over the two day period he had been with Tony. He told her about the party, the destruction it had caused to Tony's home and his body. He tried to describe what he had witnessed during Tony's panic attack but felt his throat close up unable to find the words. It felt wrong to reveal such a venerable moment of Tony's without his permission so Steve only said he didn't think Tony was dealing very well.

Natasha listened quietly until Steve finished. Steve heard a clicking sound on the other end indicating that Natasha was tapping her nails on something which usually meant she was thinking. They stayed on the phone silently for a few minutes contemplating the issue until Steve spoke again.

"Should I take him back to S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Steve finally asked.

"No," Natasha a little too quickly.

Steve heard her sigh and take a deep breath before she started talking again.

"Steve I know it's hard to believe but the rest of us are not soldiers. Hell me and Clint are assassins, Bruce is a scientist and Tony is a…" Natasha paused trying to find the right word.

"Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist?" Steve filled in for her.

"Yes that," Natasha agreed sarcastically. "My point is we're not all super soldiers. We're not trained to handle combat like you are, especially when that combat involves demi-gods and aliens. Tony just needs time to deal in his own way."

Steve thought about how he had handled Tony's behavior so far and thought how he was clearly the wrong person to be dealing with this. He didn't have any experience helping people through their problems.

"What if I'm the wrong person for the job? What if I can't help him?" Steve said.

Steve heard Natasha chuckle quietly before she answered.

"Who else is better for the job? I am not the mothering type and I highly doubt any of the other males on our team are equipped to handle this. Steve I've read your file. You have a helping people thing or basically a full blown hero complex. You're the perfect guy for the job."

Steve wondered if he should be insulted or flattered. He thought back to a time when he'd sat with Peggy in a car before he was transformed into a super soldier. She had said he had a problem with running away but he'd told her how you couldn't run from all your fights. He also remembered Bucky telling him he could stay home and help the war effort in other ways and how he had refused to sit at the sideline while other men gave their lives for the fight. He had to admit Natasha was probably right, he may have a hero complex.

"Fine," Steve said. "But how do I help him?"

"Just be patient with him. We both know Stark is as stubborn as they come but he holds this team in high regards. He won't chase you off, however he may not be the friendliest person to be around right now. Make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble and keep him from killing himself. Sooner or later he has to break out of this and it will all be over."

Steve didn't say how he was worried that Tony was already broken to some degree. He did not want to think about what could happen if Tony still needed to reach a breaking point.

Natasha had continued talking and Steve realized he had not been paying attention.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. still owns the apartment I stayed in while I worked under cover for Stark. They have properties like that all over the country for similar missions. I'm sure they will not notice you using it as it is unoccupied right now. I'll call the land lord and inform him you are coming and I'll have some clothes sent over there."

Steve and Natasha stayed on the phone for a few minutes longer as she explained more about the apartment and informed Steve he could move in by morning before she hung up.

Steve rose slowly and felt his muscles strain from sitting on the floor so long. He figured he should try to get a few hours of sleep before having to explain to Tony that he would staying around awhile just in case a fight broke out. Steve cracked Tony's door open as quietly as he could and peeked in to ensure the scientist was still sleeping before he went down stairs to try and sleep on the couch in Tony's living room. This was a good spot to camp out so he would wake up when Tony came down to his lab or tried to leave the house.

Taking a seat on what turned out to be an incredibly comfortable couch, Steve should have known considering how much Tony probably paid for it, and fell into a restless sleep. Throughout the night his mind still told him something was very wrong here.

When Tony awoke his body felt sore and heavy as though he still needed more sleep. He forced himself out of bed anyways and decided he would skip showering and made his way downstairs without changes his clothes from the previous day even though they were wrinkled from him sleeping in them.

He was going to head straight down to his lab when he smelled the unfamiliar scent of food cooking coming from his kitchen. This was unusual because Tony couldn't remember the last time he had cooked in his kitchen and it certainly hadn't smelled like that!

Tony hesitantly made his way to the kitchen feeling like a trap was waiting for him. When he saw Captain America standing over his stove frying eggs and looking utterly like the perfect housewife by wearing a white apron Tony wasn't even aware he had owned till this moment he couldn't hold back and burst into a fit of giggles.

Steve did not seem surprised by Tony's sudden presence but glared at the other man for laughing at him.

Tony had to sit down he was laughing so hard. A plate filled with eggs, bacon and toast was slid in front of him as Steve sat down beside him. Tony sobered up instantly when he saw the serious look on the captain's face.

So this was a trap.

When Tony went to stand Steve's large hand grabbed his forearm, keeping him seated. Tony forgot how strong the captain was.

"Please eat breakfast Tony. I want to talk to you," Steve said calmly.

Tony huffed and started to refuse when his stomach growled. Steve raised an eyebrow and gave Tony a bemused smile. Tony glared at Steve and feeling betrayed by his own human needs for sustenance decided he could put up with whatever the captain had to say as long as he got to eat.

As Tony dug into his breakfast Steve relaxed and began to eat also. He allowed silence for only a few minutes to ensure Tony ate something before he began to talk.

"You didn't have much food in your fridge. When I asked Jarvis about it he said Ms. Potts use to make a list for him to order," Steve noticed Tony flinched at Peppers name. "I took the liberty of making a new list and Jarvis said he would have everything delivered by tonight."

"Traitor," Tony grumbled. He gave the ceiling a quick glare before continuing to eat.

"Ms. Romanova set me up in her old apartment near here. I'm going to be checking on you from now on," Steve said.

Tony almost choked on his food after hearing the captain's news.

Alarmed, Steve patted his back gently but Tony pushed Steve's hand away and stood up quickly before Steve could grab him again.

"Dammit Steve I told you I don't need a babysitter!" Tony yelled.

Tony felt his mind going into overdrive. He couldn't have Steve here. It was bad enough that he had already seen one panic attack. Tony did not need Steve seeing anything else to show how far off his rocker he really was.

Steve, expecting this reaction took a deep breath and remained calm. Yelling at Tony was only going to start a fight and get him nowhere. He stood up slowly and put his hands up in the surrender stance. He did not move towards Tony hoping the other man would not feel threatened.

"Tony I'm not here to babysit you. I'm here as your friend."

"Bullshit!" Tony cut Steve off. He went to leave the kitchen but quicker then possible for normal humans Steve stood in front of him blocking his path.

Damn super soldier serum.

"Tony I just want to make sure you eat and sleep," Steve said with more conviction in his voice.

"I can take care of myself!" Tony yelled as he tried to stand straighter to attempt to make himself taller. He didn't want to have to look up at the captain when he was trying to be intimidating but damn the other man for having almost a foot of height over him!

"Obviously you can't! Have you even looked at yourself lately Tony?" Steve's voice took on a concern tone making Tony bristle.

Tony stopped trying to escape and folded his arms over his chest. He would give the captain that one. He certainly didn't look his best lately and he knew he couldn't deny it.

"I'll work on it," Tony said stubbornly.

Steve took a small step closer and carefully laid a hand on Tony's shoulder. Tony glared at him but allowed the touch.

"I know you will but I just want to be here to help. I know you get busy and don't keep track of time. I won't get in the way of your work I just want to make sure you take time to take care of yourself," Steve said. "I'm sorry Tony but you don't really have a choice. If you don't let me stay I will call the rest of the Avengers here."

Tony clenched his jaw not liking being threatened. As much as he didn't like the idea of Steve constantly buzzing around him he also definitely did not want the rest of the Avengers invading his home.

"Fine," Tony growled and stepped around Steve to storm away.

Steve let Tony past him and went back to the counter to finish his meal. Noticing that Tony at least ate half his food Steve decided he would wait until lunch to force the scientist to eat again.

Steve felt as though Tony had taken the news fairly well, however, he couldn't help but wonder how long the peace would last.

…

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Finally got this chapter written! It changed so much while writing that I thought I was never going to get here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

…

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A couple of weeks passed and Steve and Tony fell into an uneasy routine. Both were still weary of each other, Steve unsure if he was making any progress in Tony's recovery and Tony still untrusting of someone invading his privacy.

Steve's day started at the S.H.I.E.L.D. apartment. He woke up fairly early depending on the events of the previous night and went for an hour run. Steve knew he didn't need to work-out thanks to the super soldier serum but he found working-out to be very relaxing. It gave his mind time to focus and sort out his thoughts. Sometimes his head was filled with thoughts of the puzzle that was Tony Stark, other times he was lost in thoughts of the past. No matter how time passed while he was in the "future", as he still referred to it, he still didn't feel as though he belonged.

In his dreams he stilled lived in the world of the 1940's. He relived his memories of the war. He was making plans with the Howling Commandos as they sat around a fire in some frozen forest somewhere deep in enemy territories. They completed missions together with a joyous boyhood he had only found on the battlefield of WWII. Sometimes his mind wondered to a time before the war and he was going out again with Bucky to some nightclub. He usually ended up standing in some corner as Bucky danced with beautiful dames who wouldn't give tiny Steve Rogers a second glance. Once he had dreamed of his mother but the memory was so painful it had forced him awake and left him with a constant ache the next day.

There were times when Steve was fully awake and he felt his mind slip into a dreamlike state, returning him to the past. It happened at random. He would be walking down a street and smell something that would remind of something and he would be lost in a flashback of the past. He never acted on any of his day dreams but it was hard to pull himself out it sometimes. Sometimes he didn't want to pull himself out. The S.H.I.E.L.D. medical teams diagnosed him with a form of PTSD. They told him his brain just needed to catch up with the sudden shift of time. He was given tips on how to handle his symptoms until his mind adjusted to the new world but Steve still constantly felt as if he was living somewhere in the middle of his dream world and the real world.

Steve always tried to tuck his own problems away when he arrived at Tony's. Steve had become adjusted to Jarvis over the last few weeks and usually asked the AI if Tony was already awake and where the other man was. Although Steve always arrived before 8 a.m. Tony was often already awake and down in his lab working.

Today Jarvis told him Tony was already in his lab so Steve made his way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Tony was not very picky about what he ate for breakfast so Steve mostly made what he wanted to eat. However, he had learned quickly that Tony did not eat yogurt when he had ordered Jarvis to throw every remnants of it the one Steve had served it to him. Tony claimed it was a disgusting germ filled monstrosity. Steve told him he was acting childish but had never tried to serve it to Tony again.

Steve made his way down to the lab and balanced the trey of food on one hand as he entered the code to open the door. At first Tony had tried to deny him access to his labs but Steve had simply threated to break the door down and considering it was made of normal glass Tony had conceded.

Tony was seated at one of his work stations hunched over an arm of one of his new Iron Man suits. Steve heard a crash behind him and peeked over his shoulder to see Dum-E standing at a counter beeping at a knocked over coffee pot.

"Dammit Dum-E I said to start the coffee not knock the whole thing over!" Tony yelled not looking up from his work. "You knock over anything else today and I will donate you to a factory to assemble car parts all day."

Steve had become accustomed to Tony talking to his robots as if they were human. At first it had been strange to as he had thought the robots only took orders Tony had programed into them but the more he watched the interactions between the machines and their maker he realized that was far from the truth. It seemed that all of Tony's bots had some form or artificial intelligence and they understood all of what he said to them. Steve had even observed Tony holding small conversations or arguments with the robots. He hadn't quite figured out how Tony understood the robots as the mostly beeped to communicate but he assumed Tony wasn't having one sided conversations as the robots reacted to everything he said.

"Come on Tony, Dum-E didn't mean it," Steve said as he sat the trey down and walked over to the robot.

Dum-E had his claw like hand pointed at the coffee pot and was beeping quietly at it. Steve got the impression that the robot was upset about messing up and getting yelled at much like a child would react. He picked up the coffee pot and started a brew.

"If you want Dum-E to be less clumsy you should be nicer to him so he's not so nervous," Steve smiled reassuringly at Dum-E which seemed to cheer the bot up as it beeped at a higher frequency and gently tugged on Steve's shirt.

Steve smiled at the robot as he poured some coffee into two mugs. The robot whistled and twirled around making Steve think he was happy.

"Robot's don't feel nervous," Tony grumbled.

"It's ok Dum-E, Tony just doesn't understand us," Steve winked at the bot as he walked over to Tony.

"Stop spoiling my robots. They're gonna stop working at this point," Tony huffed as he tried to quickly tighten some bolts on the robotic arm her was working on before Steve reached him.

Steve had to admit he may be a distraction to the bots. They all seemed to have taken a shine to him and often flocked him if they weren't working on a task for Tony. Tony's reaction had been to laugh at first when Steve had floundered at all the attention. He blamed all the extra attention on Steve spoiling the robots by trying to help them with task Tony specifically asked them to do or coming to their recue when he said anything even slightly sarcastic to them.

Steve placed one of the coffees mugs down beside Tony and used his free hand to gently pry Tony's hand away from the screw driver. He placed the second cup into Tony's hand and turned the scientist around, away from his work.

Tony glared at Steve for interrupting him but was use to this by now. When the captain had first come to Tony's home the scientist had tried ignoring him in hopes that when faced with opposition Steve would give up and go back to New York. However, it had the opposite effect and made Steve more persistent.

As Steve turned away from him, Tony grabbed the scotch bottle he had hidden under in his work bench and poured a generous amount into his coffee.

As the two superheroes ate their breakfast Steve asked Tony about his work. It was a part of their routine.

At first when Steve started asking about his projects Tony had thought it was to make small talk but Steve had genially been interested. Steve had learned a few things about future technologies like how to operate a cell phone and the basics of a computer but his knowledge was still extremely lacking. So Tony explained the missing pieces to Steve, most being his father's work then his own advancements. They had mostly caught up with the 21st century by now and although Steve may not fully understand everything Tony said he seemed to becoming more comfortable with all the technology found throughout the house and the lab.

After ensuring Tony had eaten all of his breakfast, Steve left to work-out in Tony's gym to leave the scientist to his work until lunch time.

When Steve was gone Tony went back to working on the Iron Man suit arm. He wanted to be mad at Steve for sticking around so long but he begrudgingly admitted it wasn't so bad to have his own personal nurse looking out for him. True to his word Steve did not disturb his work and only interrupted him to feed him. This mostly left Tony to his own devices throughout the day and while he was undisturbed he secretly drank from his stash of alcohol in his lab. He knew Steve would not approve of his drinking throughout the day so he kept hidden. He couldn't stand to see the look of disappointment every time he poured a scotch.

Tony refused to change his ways. Everyone else believed there was something wrong with him but Tony felt like they were just over-reacting. His father began drinking when he first woke up in the morning and didn't stop until he passed out that night and it hadn't stopped him from changing the world. And when Tony really thought about it he knew he wasn't as bad as his father. He could stop whenever he wanted but he merely didn't want to.

That night Tony emerged from his room impeccably dressed to attend a party hosted by one of his many rich acquaintances. Steve was in the kitchen in the midst of cooking dinner when Tony sauntered by. He had given up trying to sneak past Steve after the first few futile attempts. Damn his super hearing and everything else that was enhanced that the soldier used against him.

Tony could hear Steve speaking to Jarvis quietly as he cooked making him narrow his eyes suspiciously. He had a feeling that Jarvis was helping Steve learn to cook some of his favorite dishes as they had been showing up a lot recently. Jarvis of course knew the things Tony preferred to eat as he rarely cooked for himself. He usually opted for takeout which the AI ordered for him. Tony guessed it was Steve's way of trying to tempt him at staying home instead of going out at night. So far all attempts had been unsuccessful as Tony always went to some party or bar every night these days.

The one time he had tried to host a party with Steve there had been a total disaster. Steve had sat at the bar looking awkward and sullen while he watched Tony with disapproving eyes. No matter how hard Tony had tried to ignore him he could feel Steve's big blue eyes boring down on him, judging him with every drink he consumed. He finally admitted defeat and called them party off early before storming down to his lab and getting thoroughly hammered just to spite Captain America and his goody two-shoe ways. Although the aftermath when Steve dragged him upstairs hours later and tossed him, clothes and all, in the shower had not quite been as worth it as he'd originally thought it would be.

Steve looked up as he heard Tony approaching. Seeing his nice suit Steve knew he was planning to go out again and felt his shoulders sage momentarily before he could catch himself. He'd really hoped Tony would give up going out by now. Steve couldn't understand the appeal of getting all sauced up to the point where it was physically difficult to walk and speak. Sometimes Tony was so blindly drunk that he couldn't figure out how to get home and Steve had to have Jarvis find him so he could bring him home.

"Where are you going tonight Tony?" Steve tried to sound as nonchalant but didn't think he succeeded.

Tony flinched as he thought he heard an underlining sadness in the captain's voice. He chalked it up to his own guilt and put on a charming smile before turning to Steve.

"A friend is hosting a party. Jarvis has the address," Tony waved his hand dismissingly as he turned to walk away.

"I'll be here waiting if you need me," Steve said and went back to his cooking. "I'll leave some food out if you're hungry."

Tony flushed feeling embarrassed for being treated like a child. He hated how Steve could sound so sincere and hopeful when he spoke. They both knew Tony was not going to come back early enough to eat dinner. Hell they both knew he wouldn't even be coherent enough to remember Steve had offered dinner in the first place. It made Tony more determined to have a good and forget all about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s special order nurse waiting for him at home.

"You're not my fucking mother Steve," Tony growled and stormed out the door.

Steve sighed as he gave up cooking for now and sat on a stool at the bar. All he could do now was wait for Tony to come back home. He felt totally powerless as he heard a car drive off and hoped Tony had taken a taxi and not drove himself.

Late that night, or early morning considering how you wanted to look at it, Tony loudly threw open his front door scaring Steve enough to almost give him a heart attack.

"STEVEY I'M HOME!" Tony yelled and quickly covered his mouth with his hand as a fit of giggles suddenly overcame him.

Steve stared as Tony slumped over the side table by the door while he giggled about something he must have thought was funny. Steve put a book mark in the book he'd been reading for most of the night and quickly made his way to Tony. He arrived in time to try and catch the man as he took a step and lurched forward as if to fall. Unexpectedly Tony grabbed Steve's arm and spun them in a circle while he howled in excitement.

"Steve let's dance!" Tony said and tried to spin them around again but Steve found his balance and prevented to movement.

Tony pouted up at Steve in his drunken childlike way forcing a small smile to sneak on Steve face.

"I don't dance Tony. Let's go up to your room it's awful late," Steve said as he guided Tony up the stairs and into his room.

"Oh that's right you fell into the ocean before you could go dancing," Tony said loudly.

Steve felt the sting of the words but tried to ignore how much they hurt him. Tony was not always the most pleasant lush to be around and he seemed to always say something particularly cruel when he felt at his weakest. Considering Steve was pretty much carrying him up the stairs he figured Tony was not feeling his strongest right now.

They were almost to the bed when Tony's face suddenly turned a shade of pale green and he was stumbling towards the bathroom. Steve followed him as he heard retching on the other side of the door. When Steve entered the bathroom he found Tony hugging the toilet bowl. Tony groaned before leaning back over and throwing up again.

Steve, use to this behavior by now, did not even bat an eye as he went over to the sink to retrieve a wet rag. He waited until Tony's breathing went back to normal before crouching beside him. He gently turned the drunken man's face towards him and ran the cool rag against his burning cheeks.

Tony's eyes slowly blinked open and he stared at the sad look on Steve's face. He felt his stomach churn with guilt but luckily did not get sick again. He averted his eyes unable to look at the raw emotion on the captain's face.

"M'srry," Tony mumbled sounding utterly miserable.

Steve felt his heart tug at Tony's sad tone and crest fallen face. He tried to smile to show Tony that he wasn't mad at him.

"I know Tony. Let's get you to bed," Steve said.

Steve helped Tony from the floor carefully. Tony was leaning on him completely now so Steve basically carried him by his side as he guided him to bed. Tony pulled off his fancy coat and tie on the way and fell ungracefully into bed. Steve shook his head with a bemused smile. He knelt down to remove Tony's shoes not wanting the inebriated man to sleep in them. When he successful took them off, Steve stood and pulled the blankets up and over Tony's now sleeping form.

Steve felt his body grow heavy from exhaustion more from the emotional toll it took to take care of Tony then actual sleep deprivation. Because of the super serum, Steve did not require a lot of sleep which ended up being useful in this situation as Tony never arrived home before midnight. Steve dreaded the drive back to the apartment in the darkness of night. Ever since his plunge into the ocean Steve was not comfortable with darkness or cold. He also distinctly felt something akin to fear when he looked out Tony's large windows and saw the ocean. He tried to ignore the feelings but avoided staring too long out the windows to keep the flashbacks away.

He watched Tony for a few moments. He thought about how Tony only seemed to look at peace right when he first fell asleep. Steve wondered how long either of them could take this. Could their friendship survive?

Steve made his way downstairs and started his motorcycle to drive back to his apartment. He only had a few hours to sleep before a need to wake up and start their schedule all over again.

…

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I didn't plan for this chapter to be what it turned out to be. It just kinda wrote itself.


	6. Chapter 6

It took me a whole week to write this chapter. It came together a little bit at a time and drove me crazy.

 **Chapter 6**

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Tony awoke in a cold sweat trying to swallow his screams as nightmarish images still danced before his eyes. He took deep greedy breaths of air as he felt the first inkling of panic starting to rise in his chest.

"Jarvis lights on," he gasped as he flipped over and clawed his way to his nightstand.

"Right away sir," Jarvis answered as the room was filled with strikingly bright lights.

Tony flinched as his head began to pound. He closed his eyes and clumsily yanked the small cabinet door of the night stand open. He pulled out a half empty bottle of whiskey and took a large gulp of the burning liquid. He took a quick breath between each swallow until he felt the burn travel down his chest and settle in his stomach. His head became slightly cloudy again and he sighed in relief as the disturbing images began to fade.

Tony reached for his watch and noted it was barely past 5 a.m. He tried to recall what time he'd went to bed, or more accurately when Steve had drug him to bed, but couldn't pin point a time. Tony shrugged and got out of bed anyways. He figured he'd at least gotten a couple of hours of sleep which was good enough for him.

Tony felt the world tilt momentarily and had to brace himself against a wall to get his bearing. He was thankful Steve never stayed the whole night because it gave him a few hours to piece himself back together before having to continue this charade he was trapped in.

A crash of lightening caused Tony to jump and almost lose his balance. He looked up to the wall of windows across his bedroom and for the first time noticed it was pouring outside. Tony mumbled at himself for not being better tuned into his surroundings as he pulled on a pair or sweat pants and an old t-shirt.

Tony decided he might as well make his way down to the lab so he could get some work done on one of his new Iron Man suits before Steve arrived and caused distractions for at least an hour of breakfast. At least that was what he planned to do before he stepped outside his bedroom and saw a small light coming from the living room. When he heard the sound of pencil scratching on paper he knew right away it was Steve.

Tony was surprised when the captain didn't turn around at his approach, hell he didn't even stop drawing.

"What are you still doing here Capsickle?" Tony said causing Steve to jump. Tony heard the pencil snap.

Steve turned a little too quickly at Tony's sudden voice which caused his sketch pad to fly from his lap. His sketches spilled from their binding and spread across the living room floor. Steve jumped up feeling his face heat up in embarrassment for being caught off guard. He rushed to pick up all the papers littering the floor.

"Uh sorry – I was just waiting for the rain. I mean I was waiting for it to stop. The rain that is," Steve felt his checks heat up more from his long-winded explanation.

Steve picked up the last paper and took a deep breath to calm down. When he stood up he found Tony holding a page from his sketch book and felt his stomach fill with nervous butterflies.

Tony stared at the page he'd picked up trying to let his brain process what he was seeing. In one corner Steve had sketched an older looking cockpit headed towards a landmass covered in ice. In another corner there was a hand with frost already forming on the fingertips reaching for something. In the middle of the page was small spot of pure white surrounded by dark waters and bubbles. Tony imagined that must be what it looks like to look up at the sky when one is sinking under water.

Steve's large body came to stand in front of him blocking the light from the lamp. However, thanks to the arc rector resting in his chest a blue light illuminated the page making the images look hauntingly real as if they were being seen under the oceans blue hue.

"Do you remember all this?" Tony blurted before he could stop himself. Damn liquor always made him talkative.

Tony glanced up at Steve briefly to see a shocked look cross over the soldiers face before he could hide it.

"Never mind that was rude," Tony mumbled looking away from the captain.

Steve gently pried the paper from Tony's fingers and turned it over to stare at the illustration. When Steve didn't say anything Tony started to get even more nervous. He felt his fingers start to twitch as if they needed to type something. As the seconds dragged on his feet began to tap and he felt like he needed to move now.

"Hey, how 'bout a drink Cap? I could certainly use one," Tony laughed uneasily and eyed the bar past the super soldiers shoulder.

"Wait no," Steve hurriedly shoved his sketches back in his notebook and pointed Tony towards the couch.

Tony continued to stare at the bar longingly but cautiously followed Steve to sit on the couch. He figured he'd dug himself into this hole and should follow it through, even if he really didn't want to.

Steve opened his sketchbook and began to leaf through its pages. Tony was only able to catch glimpses of the other sketches. He didn't look up as Steve began to speak softly.

"When I first woke up I couldn't remember anything. At first I could only remember talking to Peggy as the plane went down but slowly pieces have come back to me. I guess it was too much to ask that I would be unconscious when the plane hit the water," Steve chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

When Tony didn't say anything Steve continued.

"I remember the impact and being knocked around like a ping pong. Sometimes I think I remember realizing I was sinking and I can feel the water as if filled the cockpit," Steve said.

As Steve looked up he locked eyes with Tony briefly. Tony was looking at him in the same calculating way Steve had once seen in another pair of Stark eyes. Steve looked away and back at his sketches feeling embarrassed for what he was about to say.

"Sometimes when I can't sleep I draw. To get it out of my head you know?" Steve said as he peeked at Tony out of the corner of his eye.

Tony coughed trying to clear his throat and looked over to the black T.V. screen in front of them.

This kind of discussion was way out of his field of expertise. Most people, even those not in their right minds, would know not to approach the billionaire play boy with something so personal. Hell the Tony before Iron Man would have held such a secret to be used later as blackmail or sold it to the highest bidder. And the new Tony still didn't understand human relationships like friendships enough to know what you're supposed to do in these types of situations.

"Yeah I guess I can understand that," Tony said hoping that was the right thing to say.

He tried not to relate his own sleepless nights brought on by nightmares to Steve's own situation. All of this felt too close to confessing for him to feel comfortable.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts before Tony suddenly burst out laughing.

Tony noticed how Steve bristled and realized given what they were just talking about his actions could be taken badly and he rushed to back pedal.

"No, no, no, I wasn't laughing at you! I was laughing at…well," Tony ran his fingers through his hair trying to collect the right words to patch together his scattered thoughts. "We're all so messed up - the Avengers I mean. God Romanova and Barton have the worst childhoods possible and Bruce hates himself. And you and me…"

Tony let his sentence fall short not wanting to admit how similar he and the captain's conditions were. He looked away from Steve and stared at his hands.

"How are we supposed be heroes when we we're so broken already?" Tony whispered so quietly he wasn't even sure if Steve could hear him with his super hearing.

Steve stared at Tony letting the other man's words sink in. It was true all the Avengers had difficult past and it certainly showed at times. However, Steve didn't think it was necessarily a bad thing or holding them back if they could control it. He wondered if the others were in more control then he and Tony seemed to be.

Steve watched Tony run his hands through his hair and his fingers begin to twitch. The iron hero never seemed to be able to hold still, especially when he was uncomfortable. Steve reached out and placed his hand over one of Tony's to hold it still.

"Maybe what's broken is what makes us heroes," Steve said and he gently squeezed Tony's hand.

Tony swallowed hollowly looking at Steve's hand over his and thinking about what the super soldier said. He briefly wondered if Steve understood how broken he was before pushing the thought away. Tony tried to laugh to break the tension he felt over such an intimate moment, but even he heard how his laugh sounded a bit forced. He took back his hand and reached to fumble with the T.V. remote.

"You know I bet you haven't seen a movie since the forties and they've come a long way! We should watch one," Tony said and tried his best too look interested in the movie selections he pulled up on screen.

Steve wanted to push their discussion further but seeing how anxious Tony was he let the moment pass. He smiled and shook his head at Tony's antics as the scientist began to excitingly explain what the syfy genre was and picked a movie he claimed would amaze Steve.

As they settled in to watch _Star Wars_ , Tony tried to put a small amount of distance between him and Steve's hand which remained between them. He still felt incredibly awkward over their whole exchange and the fact that everything had gotten so personal so quickly. Tony didn't trust what he would say around Steve. Steve's face always conveyed such honesty and understanding it practically made you want to expose your soul to the man like a damn priest.

Tony's discomfort did not last long though as he began to excitedly explain the science behind the special effects and the probability of such technology being possible.

Steve watched the move with one eye and Tony with the other. He felt a smile play at his lips and wondered if this was a sign that Tony would get better soon.

As the movie credits began to roll Steve checked the clock on the wall and noted that it was almost 8 a.m. which was normally the time he started breakfast. He looked over at Tony who was still lounging on the couch poking at a portable tablet.

"How about you eat breakfast up here before going down to your lab?" Steve suggested.

Tony looked up from his tablet to a very hopeful looking Captain America. He wondered if Steve knew his face was so open to interpretation of if he did it on purpose. Deciding he could spare a few more minutes upstairs Tony nodded.

Steve excitedly jumped up and rushed to the kitchen making Tony chuckle quietly at the soldier's enthusiasm.

"I'm just going to turn on the news then," Tony said.

Steve hummed in agreement as he pulled some eggs and other supplies to make omelets out of the refrigerator.

Tony looked around for the remote for a few minutes before finding it lodged between the couch cushions. He couldn't remember the last time he had watched T.V. up here. He wondered if Steve ever watched T.V. while he was up here or only ever read the thousands of books Tony had seen him with.

Tony turned the T.V. on and was not surprised when a talk show was the first thing to pop up. He must have been reviewing himself on one of the many occasions he had been interviewed, which was once a very often occurrence before New York. He wondered if a rerun would come on and he could force Steve to watch it for agreeing to eat breakfast with him.

As Tony began to formulate his plan to convince Steve to watch one of his old interviews he was already expecting to see himself walk onto the screen. What he did not expect was to suddenly be confronted with the smiling face of his ex-girlfriend.

Tony clenched his jaw painfully as Pepper took a seat on stage. Her hair was pulled up into a tight pony tail like she usually wore for business days and she wore a white suit that made her skin glow. The black stilettoes she had on were a pair Tony particularly remembered liking. She was as radiant as he remembered.

Tony realized Pepper and the T.V. host was speaking and he hurriedly turned up the volume to hear.

"Now Miss Potts I know we asked you hear to discuss the new improvements Stark Industries have made in clean energy with the new element Tony Stark invented but first we would like to congratulate you on your engagement to a Mr. Happy Hogan," the T.V. host squealed with girlish delight.

Pepper blushed prettily and held out her left hand. The camera zoomed in and there it was staring Tony right in the face, a beautiful white diamond resting on a silver band decorating a very important finger.

Tony swore the day Pepper left he would never feel such pain ever again but now he knew he should have known better because Pepper leaving could never hurt as much as knowing she was gone forever.

It was the sound of her laughter that brought him crashing back to reality. The fall was almost too much to bear.

Tony was standing and before he knew what he was doing he'd thrown the remote straight through the T.V. Somewhere he heard Steve talking to him, trying to calm him down, but he was too far gone to go back now.

"Jarvis shut it down," Tony snapped as he moved towards his lab.

"Yes sir," Jarvis answered him.

Steve raced after Tony trying to stop him. He mentally berated himself for not paying attention. He should have never let his guard down. It was when a soldier became complacent when danger reared its ugly head.

When Steve tried to lay a hand on Tony's shoulder the scientist evaded it and turned on his heels to face Steve. Tony had to strain his neck and stand on his toes to try and look the taller man in the eyes. The raw emotion Steve saw on Tony's face made him halt in his tracks.

"Don't. Follow. Me." Tony growled and was gone as the house locked down within his wake.

…

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I'm so excited to get to this point. I've been waiting for this chapter since I stared this story. I'm super excited to write the next one!


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